All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
