Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
