Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
