I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
