He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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