I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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