I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
