Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
