my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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