HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sext me about skeletons
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
