Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
