At least make sure they are 18
Why
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
