I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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