I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
