Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
