Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
