I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
