I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
