this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
