oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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