My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
