I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
