Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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