I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
