I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
