A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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