why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
