Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
