Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
