dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
