I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
