just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoofâ€
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