How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
