yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
