Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
