is your mom at the bar?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
