I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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