Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
