Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
