Soap is not a condiment
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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