Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
