Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
