Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize