I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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