Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
