I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
