some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
