Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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