everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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