Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
They are going to name an STD after you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
