I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Boobs speak an international language.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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