Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
