please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
