turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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