hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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