fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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