Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
