he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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