is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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