My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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