The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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