my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
