I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize