You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
