I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
