i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
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