im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
