guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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