I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would ride that face into the sunset
There's even glitter on my cock...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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