Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Soap is not a condiment
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
