I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
