Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
