Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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