somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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